Cause and Effect

I'll never believe your compliments.
You would understand if you'd been hurt as much as I have.
If you'd been put down as many times as I.

A girl like me won't accept what you tell me.
You can love me as much as you love life itself
But you can't tell me
Because I won't believe you.

It used to be that I was the only one I trusted.
I used to believe that honesty only came from within.
That when all else failed,
And when everyone else failed me,
I could count on myself.
I could make myself whole again.

I used to believe in myself.

I've never been religious.
Always believed that the only faith you need
Is faith in yourself.

Well, I've lost my faith.

I don't trust myself.
I don't believe in myself.
I don't want to be myself anymore.

Because despite all the insults that have been thrown my way,
Despite all the upset and hurt and pain I've endured,
Despite all the times the ones I've loved have let me down

The worst hurt of all is the hurt I inflict.

I've hurt myself.
I've hurt my family
And my friends
And the ones who were always there.

I can handle hurting myself.
The physical, the emotional:
It's familiar territory.

But I hurt you
And her
And him
And them.

My friends have always been the best of me,
And I let them fall.

I let myself become my worst nightmare.

Because in the end,
We all become the person we swore we'd never be.